PhD in Hookups

by Loweren

This is a place where I share my experience with online dating and casual sex as a nerdy guy in my 20s

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Q&A from the Reddit thread on r/dataisbeautiful

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iTand22: I'm curious about the number of first kisses at a lighthouse. Are they numerous in your area? Or is there just like 1 or 2 and it's a popular date/hookup location?

Loweren: There's one close to the city center, and it's a somewhat known location to the locals of the city, but almost no tourists go there. Since I'm mostly meeting with tourists, It makes it a quiet isolated location with a beautiful view - perfect for creating a romantic mood.

Falkenhain: Nice post! I am very interested in your journey from geek to stud. About me: Same age, business student at good European university. Any resources you could recommend or other piece of advice? With Tinder I get a lot of matches and most also answer, but I am not good at chatting (especially keeping the conversation interesting) and don't like it as it often leads nowhere and appears as a waste of time. So just 3 girls laid in two years via Tinder.

Loweren: Thanks! But make no mistake, I'm still the same geek as before, just more skilled at finding casual sex. I'm in process of setting up a site where I could post dating advice, so stay tuned! You can also visit my Discord server where we share tips how to improve at online dating. We share our photos, bios and Tinder conversations there.

What will help you is to move a conversation at much faster pace. Ask her which places she likes the most in the city. Then invite her to hang out there together, preferably the same evening. That's it, you've got a date.

panda_burglar: This is super interesting - what ethnicity are you? Did it trend toward asian since that is your preference or based on availability/reciprocated interest?

Loweren: I'm Russian. Before I moved out of Russia, I didn't know I had any ethnic preferences. In Germany, I found that there are much fewer local women I find attractive compared to Russia, but a lot more asian tourists who were pretty and cute. When I moved to France, I didn't like the look of most locals either (Russia spoiled me lol), but in addition to asian women there were also a lot of very attractive black women. It's much harder for me to hook up with local black women, but much easier to do it with asian tourists - maybe because of my skinny body type? I don't have much muscles or body/facial hair, and look younger than my age. Maybe this is a kind of look that's popular in Asia now? I invite a lot of black women for photoshoots though. Since I discovered it's much easier to have casual sex with tourists than with locals, that's also a part of the explanation - there aren't a lot of black tourists here.

bradburnham: I usually go out with some work colleagues or friends of friends. Right now I'm going out with someone. Date number 5 and no considerable progress. Frankly don't even know if she's interested to take it to the next level

Loweren: Well, good news is, you don't need to know this to escalate the romance. Don't wait for signals of approval; instead, execute your romantic moves until either she rejects you, or you two have sex.

Normally I meet a girl, take her hand, we kiss, make out and then have sex, all within the first date. Sure, I was rejected plenty of times, but it wasn't a bad experience, just "Sorry, I'm not looking for this" or even "That's too fast for me, can we do it another time?". In my book, sex is +1 point, getting rejected is 0 points, and not even trying is -1 point. That's the mindset that will let you move fast.

Grindelflaps: Are you just in it for the sex?

Loweren: Sex is a convenient metric to measure dating success. Another one would be the length of the relationship, but at the moment I'm not looking for long-term commitment.

Saying that, I probably wouldn't enjoy someone just coming to my house, banging me and leaving. I cherish human connection, meeting someone for the first time, developing a physical chemistry and having a fun date. Aiming for sex just makes me more proactive and assertive, which are the qualities I was lacking when I was just starting to meet women online. I had lackluster dates that never really went anywhere. Nowadays I enjoy meeting tinder girls much more, because I have a particular goal in mind.

Mdh74266: When the other party brought a friend, and you had sex...did you get with both of them?

Loweren: No. In most cases, the friend left us alone after some time together outdoors. Sometimes it's a male friend. In one case in 2018, two friends (A and B) were sharing a room, so I was in bed with the partner (A), and her friend (B) was snoring on the other bed nearby. Next night B kicked us out for some time because she brought a tinder guy too, so we gave B some privacy and spent some time outside.

Apocolotois: How are you meeting tourists from Instagram?

Loweren: Either through Tinder's bio (a lot of women mention their instagram there), or through my city's photofeed. Advanced move: browse the hashtag with your city's name in a different language. Then it's just sending the intro message over and over again, and hoping someone responds.

MasterAgent47: that's brave but is there a chance of that being super creepy? like how does it exactly happen? how many times does it work?

Loweren: A creepy guy is the one who doesn't back off when he's rejected. There's nothing bad about just introducing yourself.

I send a message saying "Hi! 😁 Are you enjoying your time in city? I can recommend you some places to visit here, if you want". Tourists welcome advice from locals with open arms, and are open to meeting new people.

It works like a charm for meeting people. However, since women there are not on Tinder and didn't match with me, they are in general less open to casual sex. Can still happen though.

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